Anvil Chorus: ReVAMPed
by 67thave
Summary: You have three guesses to guess what happens to Edward.


Buster and Babs Bunny (no relation) are looking at the classified ads of the newspaper. Just then, Babs said, "I HATE THESE CLASSIFIED ADS!" A few seconds later, Buster said "We need to look at them for our remake of our Anvil Chorus skit. Plucky is under contract dispute." After Buster finished saying those words, they went back to reading the classified ads. Suddenly, at the same time, Babs shouted "AHA! WE WILL HIRE THIS CHEAP VAMPIRE FROM TWILIGHT TO BE SUBJECT TO OUR VIOLENCE! WE AND THE AUTHOR OF THIS FANFIC HATE THAT CHEAP, NO GOOD ROMANCE! THE CLICHED PLOTS AND WHATNOT! WE WILL GET OUR REVENGE! AHAHAHAHAAHAH! Buster than said "Don't be so over the top, Babs. I hated those movies and the books, but you are getting a bit too exited about mauling Edward to oblivion! Since this prologue is getting too long, LET'S DO IT!"

"And now, It's Buster Bunny Time proudly presents the classical musical masterpiece, the Anvil Chorus, starring Edward from Twilight getting concussions from falling anvils." After that, Edward then said "FINALLY! I CAN HYPNOTIZE YOUNG CHILDREN INTO JOINING THE HERD OF FANGIRLS!" Babs then walks up to the podium and starts conducting the music. After the music starts, anvils fall on the crazy Twilight fangirls in the audience. Edward then falls into pieces when he realizes that the author of this fanfic hates Twilight so much that he has to act out of character and get mauled by anvils. After the first anvil falls on Edward, he walks over to Buster and Babs.

Edward says "Buster, what's with all thses falling anvils?" Buster responds "Well, Edward, it's called the Anvil Chorus."

"So?"

"So use your noggin, Edward."

"It's my noggin that'd being used, pal. That's the whole problem."

"But Edward, you can't expect us to do the Anvil Chorus without anvils."

*Music starts again*

"So it would be logical that there would be anvils. I mean, logic must prevail I suppose."

*Anvil falls on Edward*

"Logic my sparkling fanny."

"Okay, rabbits! You've had your fun. Enough is enough. I'm through. I'm done, gone and out of here. I want no part in this Twilight hate fic."

"But Edward, you can't leave."

"And why not?"

"Because, like we said, you are the victim of this Twilight hate fic."

*Camera pans out to show that Edward is in the center of a series of rings labeled "Squished Vampire"*

"Mother."

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almsot falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almsot falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Edward trips and anvil falls on Edward*

"Oh, the price of stardom."

"Can I see this stupid hate fic?"

"Anvil falls on Edward, anvil falls on Edward, two anvils fall on Edward, giant anvil falls on Edward? THIS IS INSANE! Who wrote this even-worse slop?"

*Camera pans out to show a man wearing an "I HATE TWILIGHT" shirt sitting at his computer typing*

"Rewrite!"

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

*Edward is running away*

"Just hold it right there! I am the chairperson for Twilight Fangirls Against Twilgiht Hatefics. And i've counted over 60 acts of mindless potshots at Twilight in this hatefic."

*Anvil falls on chairperson of TFATH*

"Where are all these anvils coming from?"

Hampton then says, "I'm glad you asked that question. They come from the Acme Anvil Company, the world's leading supplier of anvils and painful blunt objects sinc 1930. The anvil was first discovered in 1622 by Sir Issac Anvil."

*Anvil falls on Sir Issac Anvil*

"So remember, when you think of anvils, think of Acme! A name you can trust. Now back to our hate fic."

*Anvil falls on Hampton*

*Anvil falls on Edward*

*Anvil falls on Edward*

*Anvil falls on Edward*

*Larger anvil falls on Edward*

*Even larger anvil falls on Edward*

*Very large anvil falls on Edward*

*Small anvil falls on Edward*

*Edward runs towards Buster and Babs*

*Normal-sized anvil falls on Edward*

"Edward, can't you be more careful? Babs might have gotten hurt!"

Babs then said, "May we proceed, Edward?"

"If I said no, would it matter?"

*Buster and Babs have a quiet chitchat for a few seconds and then say "No."

"You're off my Christmas card lsit."

*Anvil falls on Edward*

*Edward screams*

*Edward runs away and avoids being hit by two anvils*

"Safe at last. I'd like to see them get an anvil in... here?

*Camera pans out to show hundreds of anvils on shelfs near Edward*

*Anvil almost falls on Edward*

"And now, OUR BIG FINALE!"

*Edward dives down into an anvil shelter*

"AHAHAHA! I BEAT THEM! I BEAT THEM! COME ON, YOU DUMB BUNNIES! SEE IF YOU CAN GET ME NOW! AHAHA!"

*Camera pans out, showing us that Buster and Babs are in space, getting ready to drop the world's largest anvil on Edward*

Buster says, "THE SHOW MUST GO ON!"

*Anvil falls on Edward and shatters the earth into pieces*

*Audience claps*

"They love it, Edward! They want more!"

"MORE? THEY LOVE ME! LET'S DO SOME MORE!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will now present another classical masterpiece, the 1812 Overture!"

"Oh no."

*Cannonball hits Edward*

*Cannonball hits Edward*

*Cannonball hits Edward*

*Cannonball hits Edward*

"AAAHHHHHHHH!"

*Cannon shoots Edward into the Sun*

"This concludes the classical portion of this hate fic. Say goodnight, Babs."

"Goodnight, Babs."

"So long!"


End file.
